So your relationship is struggling.
Maybe you are constantly fighting or taking small jabs at each other. Every little thing turns into a disagreement. It's like you can't win.
Or maybe you guys barely talk. You are so cold and disconnected from each other that it feels like living with a stranger. Even though there is this disconnection, you can still feel this horrible tension between you two.
First, couples therapy is what you need to really get your relationship back on track. But that takes time and you both have to be willing to start.
So for now, you need a quick fix. One way to have an impact on your relationship now is by decluttering your house.
*Record screech sound.*
Don't stop reading! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking really Corrin? That's fuckin' dumb. How does that have any impact on my relationship? And you're also thinking 'I hate when articles do this, get you to click and then the advice is some stupid shit outta left field.'
Okay, I get it. Because I think that all the time. But I am very serious about this being a good tip for your relationship. Besides, I have tons of other articles on how to improve your relationship in other ways. So read this then go read those.
Back to it. DECLUTTER YOUR HOME. This works. Cluttered home, cluttered mind. Have you ever heard that saying? No? Now you have. Seriously. If you have counters and tables full of stuff, that impacts your ability to think clearly. And if you aren't able to think clearly, you will continue down the same path your relationship is currently on. The one you don't want to be on.
If your items are unorganized, it adds to the chaos in a home. It adds to your stress. Those then impact how you and your partner respond to each other.
A clean, organized environment makes us feel better. And that feel better feeling can translate to your relationship. Will it transform it completely? No, probably not. But it can help. And I'm a big believer in throwing everything at a problem to see what sticks.
So what if your house is already clean and organized? Then just find one thing that you can improve on. Can you improve on how a shelf is decorated? Or how the kids' snowgear is stored? Maybe your spices can receive an overhaul or your garage stuff can be moved around into a better position.
Now what if your house is overwhelmingly cluttered and disorganized? There is just too much to do to get it completely decluttered? Here's what you do: you choose one thing to declutter and organize. Just one and start there. Choose one drawer, one closet, or one surface. Usually this is not choosing an entire room. Because that can be an overwhelming project. This is not meant to overwhelm, this is meant to calm you. So choose one smaller space and then once it's done, if you want to keep going you can or you can stop and come back to it.
Then, step back and look at your work. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishment. Revel in your new, better system and think to yourself how someone with a kick-ass pantry will respond to their spouse. Let yourself behave a little differently. Maybe choose to hold your tongue when you typically wouldn't. Or choose to be positive when your pattern has been to complain. Let the magic of the declutter work. :)
Feng shui for your relationship.
Corrin Voeller is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and specializes in helping people with their relationships. St. Louis Park and online.