How do you know when you need some outside help?
It's a tough question and one I think a lot of people grapple with. It's common to fight in a relationship. It's common to have disagreements. It's common to have good periods and bad periods in your marriage.
So how is one to know where the line is between "this is common" and "this is when we need couples therapy?"
Here's how you know when it's time to start marriage therapy.
Does it feel like your partner just doesn't understand you or you don't understand them? No matter how many different ways you try to explain it?
Do you go several days/weeks with barely talking/communicating after fights?
Do you feel disconnected or distant from your partner?
Has your relationship changed and you don't know how to get it back on track?
Is sexual intimacy now missing?
Are there persistent and recurring issues (the same old fights) that you can't seem to solve?
Have you thought about breaking-up/separating/divorcing several times in the last couple of months?
Does it feel like you're sleeping next to someone you don't really know anymore?
Do you look at other people's relationships with envy?
Are you tired of going around in the same circles?
Do you keep secrets or does your partner keep secrets (or withhold information)?
If you experience a few of the things above, then it might be time for couples counseling. Sometimes it's helpful to come in at the start of these things so they don't become larger problems. A few sessions of marriage therapy can turn things right around.
For others who are feeling disconnected to the point of considering ending the relationship, then couples therapy is definitely for you. It will help give you clarity on your relationship and can even transform it from the "very worst" to a happy, connected, fun relationship. I've seen it happen again and again.
If you are unsure if this might be helpful, please reach out! I won't tell you to try couples counseling unless I know it will be helpful. Sometimes just reaching out makes people feel better and can start the path towards growth and healing.
Don't relate to any of the above? Got some other concerns? Send me a message and let's chat about them. I'm here to help.
Corrin Voeller, LMFT is an experienced couples counselor and sex therapist. She specializes in working with couples considering breaking-up and helps them transform their relationship. Providing therapy in St. Louis Park, MN and online.
Corrin lives with her husband, two kids and extremely fat dog.
Got a question or comment? Send me a message today!