In a Reddit thread, a man beautifully describes what it's like for men to slowly fall in love with a woman and how they see her body. First of all, this guy needs to write novels now. And second of all, every woman who has ever questioned her looks needs to read this. So in other words, every woman needs to read this.
SavageHenry0311 on the Reddit thread r/AskWomen replied to a woman describing how she is ugly and explains how a woman looks from a man's point of view.
First, he gives his backstory.
"I'm not 'mansplaining' or trying to discount how you feel - I'm offering a perspective that might help. Believe me - I know what it's like to dislike your body. I got zapped in Iraq and I've got some unsightly scars, and I sometimes struggle to accept that I'll never be as physically capable as I used to be. Fucking sucks sometimes."
"Anyway...I wish I could let you into a man's head as he's falling in love with a woman. It's a process that's so alien, so strange, that I'm afraid you've got to experience it to believe it. But it's as real as death and taxes...."
Then he launches into the slow process of when someone starts to realize they like someone else.
"Sometimes, a guy will meet a gal and think nothing of it. Maybe she's a co-worker, classmate, or his buddy's friend. She gets mentally categorized as "Female, acquaintance, feelings neutral". Then, he gets to know her better. If they mesh personality-wise, something fascinating happens in the man's mind. He starts to notice things about her appearance - pleasant things. It starts small - one day he realizes he likes looking at the curve of her nose, or where her ear lobe meets her face."
"It's nothing he can put his finger on or describe, really...just that looking at that part of her makes him feel good. He starts wanting to do that more. Then, he notices an expression she makes - could be her genuine belly-laugh, or the way she furrows her brow in concern - and he gets a little flutter in his chest."
From the simpleness of appreciating the other person, attraction builds.
"They stay friendly for awhile, get to know each other better."
"Then, one day, she hugs him goodbye....and he can't stop thinking about it. He plays it over and over in his head - the feel of her breasts through two shirts, her arms around his back, her smell...he finds these little mental movies of her playing unbidden when he's driving somewhere, squeezing out his other usual daydreams."
"Shortly thereafter, the guy realizes that whenever he looks at this woman, he feels good. He likes her lines, her curves, her sounds and smells..."
Then he realizes he is in love.
"It's like she's gradually turned from a black-and-white photo into a 3D color movie with surround-sound - a perfect movie that makes him feel good. He starts wondering what he can do to keep her around, to make her happy. He realizes that he likes looking at her more than any other human being in the world."
"To him, she is perfect and beautiful."
He then goes on to describe how once a man is in love with a woman, he views her body from there on out. (I say this is also true for all genders.)
"A man in love with a woman doesn't see her objectively. There is a filter there, or some kind of participatory illusion. He does not see who you see in the mirror. He is seeing someone beautiful and perfect and sublime, and it's one of the most powerful things in his life."
"Go watch a happy old couple that's been married for decades. Watch the man's eyes. Sure, he may appreciate some young woman's ass in yoga pants or whatever...but watch his eyes when he's looking at his spouse. If you're paying close enough attention, you can almost see the filter click on when his gaze settles on her. In that moment, he's not seeing the same frumpy empty-nester that you or I see - he's seeing something wonderful."
"No shit. If I hadn't lived this stuff, I wouldn't believe it either. But it's true."
There you have it. The most beautiful description I have ever heard of what it is like to be in love wiht someone else. The way you put on your love glasses and view them as perfect. You no longer look for flaws or imperfections but accept them wholly for who they are. Because if they changed, they no longer would be them.
Ahhh, I love love.
Corrin Voeller is a relationship therapist. She specializes in doing couples counseling, intensive couples counseling, discernment counseling and sex therapy in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. She lives with her husband, kids and extremely fat dog.
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