If this is the case for you, I get it. This feels really hard. It's sometimes all you think about. Being at home can be miserable. You guys are trapped in a cycle of endless fighting or what is sometimes worse, closed-off coldness where you aren't even speaking. It can make you feel sick, nothing in life seems as good as it once was, and the future can look bleak.
When our relationships are at this point, you need to take some steps to help yourself out. Staying in this zone is detrimental to your body. Here are a few steps to take.
1. Hang With Your People
You don't have to tell them what is going on if you aren't comfortable with that. But do surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Spend quality time with them. We like to pretend humans aren't animals but the truth of it is we are. Pack animals to be specific. We need others in order to survive infancy and childhood. This gets ingrained into us. So feeling loved and supported helps calm down our systems. Being around other people lets us know we are safe. Make a conscious effort to spend more time around your supporters.
2. Be Indulgent
I'm purposely avoiding a certain word here (cough, cough, self-care) because I think it makes people roll their eyes or sort of zone out. So let's call it being indulgent. Do things that make you feel good. That can be going for a walk, playing a game, spending more time showering or putting on lotion, drinking that coffee you love, reading a book you enjoy, taking a nap. You get it. Anything that feels good and restores some energy for you. The trick to this though, is to pay attention when you are doing it. Soak in the sensations. So if it's just sitting in the sun, try this: close your eyes, feel the warmth, and notice your breath. Be intentional while being indulgent.
3. Try Discernment Counseling
What's cool about discernment counseling is it has the power to move a couple out of this zone in just one session. How it works is through a very structured process, led by the discernment counselor, you and your partner will figure out exactly where things started to change and what needs to happen for things to improve. It's for when you know things can not continue on like this for much longer. What people love about this process as it asks both partners to take accountability, but not in a confrontational way. It smoothly allows both people to save face while still taking responsibility for their part. Couples are able to make informed decisions about their next steps after going through this process. If you are feeling like you need something to change now, consider booking one of these sessions. You can click here to read more about Discernment Counseling.
Corrin Voeller is a relationship therapist in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. She does in-person and online counseling and coaching with couples and individuals to improve the relationships in their lives. She lives with her husband, children, and extremely fat dog.
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