Treat Your Relationship Like Your Job

May 31, 2018




If you act at work the way that you act within your relationship, you would be fired.


Be honest, we all would.  


Sometimes we can act pretty stupid in our relationships.  I admit, I can get pretty sassy with my husband.  Oh, and a little demanding.  I would never speak to a boss or co-worker the way I sometimes to speak to him (sorry babe!).  


I know one person who flat-out ignores his wife sometimes.  She will ask him something, or try to talk to him, and he just doesn't respond.  Could you imagine doing that at work?


Another couple I know has this pattern of doing things basically in the opposite way the other person requests it to be done.  I'm pretty sure it's a way to flex their independence muscle but jeeze!  Picture one of them at work and their boss says to file this in such-and-such folder or run the analysis on blah-blah.  Instead of that, they do the exact opposite to show that no one tells them what to do!  No one controls them!  Acting like this at work would eventually get anyone fired.  


So why do we do this in our relationship? 


We don't always act the best with each other.  Obviously with our relationships, our goal is to be more equal than what we usually have in work but that just means when something is bothering us, we get to have a conversation about it!  We are in a relationship for a reason!  We love this person!  We want to be loved by them!  We need to put our best selves forward.  Not all of the time but we can all make more of an effort. 


Don't get fired from your relationship! 


Instead of giving our partner the left-over scraps of us, let's give them the best versions of our selves.  Let's not save that for at work but do it at work and at home.  Have a good impression on our partner.  Put down the phone when they are talking to you.  Have conversations.  RESPOND.  Respond kindly.  Sometimes do things their way. Put in consistent effort.  Act like you are going for a promotion in your relationship. 


If you need some help with this, do this little exercise.   Whenever you are around your partner, check your behavior.  Ask yourself, "would I be doing what I'm currently doing around others at work?"   If the answer is "No, I would definitely not want anyone at work to see me acting like this," then cut that shit out!  Start making a change.  If you feel like your partner doesn't do this either, start with yourself.  Lead by example.  Set the tone.  Eventually they will follow.  And if they still don't get it, send them this article.  





Corrin Voeller is a relationship therapist in St. Louis Park, Minnesota.  She does in-person and online counseling and coaching with couples and individuals to improve the relationships in their lives.  She lives with her husband, children, and extremely fat dog.  

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