How to figure out if you should break-up or make-up.
Deciding to end a relationship isn’t always clear cut. There are couples all across the country RIGHT NOW trying to figure out if they should break-up or stay together. They might change their mind over and over on what to do. I call these people “on the fence.”
What is it like to be on the fence?
Sometimes it feels like you are better off without the relationship. There’s too much fighting; too much drama. You don’t feel respected. You don’t feel loved, or even liked, sometimes. It feels like a weight would be lifted off your shoulders and you would be set free if the relationship ended.
But then, things turn around for a bit. You start to have fun again. The fighting stops for awhile. You remember why you were in this relationship in the first place. You start to feel appreciated and loved again. Those thoughts of divorcing get put on the back burner and you start to think things will be alright.
Then the first fight happens and all the thoughts come rushing back and the cycle continues. It’s confusing and can be difficult to find your way forward. And if you have children, the decision making is all the more confusing. Being on the fence is a hard place to be.
Sometimes one person in the relationship is leaning in and the other person is leaning out. In other words, one wants to try to save the marriage and the other is pretty sure they want it to end.
So what do you do?
You let me lead you through Discernment Counseling. Discernment Counseling is a process that helps you move forward. It is a form of couples counseling that shows you how the relationship got to this point and helps you figure out the possibilities for the future. It gives both people in the relationship clarity and confidence on their next steps, whether that is deciding to stay together or separate. It helps the couple decide what path to take.
Wouldn’t it feel good to no longer be on the fence? Research has shown that taking the time to sit down and go through this structured process, with a discernment counselor leading the way, gives couples a feeling of more control over the direction of their relationship.
What is Discernment Counseling all about? It is a brief process, lasting only 1 to 5 sessions long. It is for couples who are having trouble deciding what to do, couples that feel stuck in limbo, couples where one person has decided they want to end the relationship and the other doesn't, couples that have tried therapy in the past and for couples that have decided they want it to end. For those who have decided to end it, doing Discernment Counseling can help set a positive tone for moving forward, which is especially important when children are involved. It can make the divorce process smoother, with less fighting and legal fees. It can also help a couple decide to stay together and where they need to focus their efforts in order to fix the relationship. The Discernment Counselor gives them a clear path of how to do this.
You no longer have to ride the rollercoaster of indecision. Take back control and feel more at peace today. You are worth it.
Click here to ask me for advice on if Discernment Counseling is right for your situation.
Corrin Voeller is a relationship therapist in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. She does in-person and online counseling and coaching with couples and individuals to improve the relationships in their lives. She lives with her husband, children, and extremely fat dog.
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