Today I gave myself a challenge to give one piece of advice that could have a powerful impact on someone's sexual experiences. And this is what I came up with: sex is breath.
Connect with your breath and you will have a better sexual experience, whether alone or with someone else.
Breath is important when it comes to sex. It is energy. It is connection. It is movement. It is life. When you are breathing, you are doing all of those things. You are connecting with your body by moving the energy around. If you have ever taken a yoga class, you will probably remember that is the topic that is most talked about in yoga, breath. When you are focused on your breath, you are present in the moment. That is one of the biggest detriments to sex, a wandering brain. You can bring it back with your breath.
Your breath can also change the energy. It can be incredibly powerful.
Let's do a little exercise. Stay exactly how you are right now but just pay attention to how you are breathing. Bring your awareness to the way you were breathing when you were reading this. Chances are, it is a light breath. It's not going deep within you, but sort of surface level. If you had to give it a color, what color would it be? Mine would be a light blue right now. That's sort of my "not paying attention to my breath, it's just happening without thought" kind of breathing. Now sit up a little straighter and take a deep breath in, filling up your chest and hopefully moving your stomach a bit and then pushing that breath out in the same way. Take a few more, lengthening the inhale and exhale a bit. Feel the difference in your body? Now play with your breath a little. Warm it up. Create heat within you breath (pro tip: it's usually easier to do this by opening up your mouth and making the heat "within" your throat). How's that feel? Different than your "not paying attention to your breath," breath? Okay now I want you to shorten your inhale and exhale. Make them more rapid, what they would be like if you were exercising. A quick, in and out. Keep doing it and pay attention to what happens within your body. You can feel the energy build a bit, right? If you are alone, or if you're in public and not shy, create some noise with your breath. Make the intake noticeably louder. Create a sound on the exhale. Make noise with both the short breaths and then do it with the long, slower breaths. And once again, pay attention to your body and notice the difference between the different kinds of energy that the breath creates within you. Notice how you can feel that energy move around.
There is movement in sex and connecting your breath with that movement can change the experience. It can change the energy. Paying attention to your breath makes you more present in the moment. It can also take off some of the pressure you might have to really "feel" the pleasure. There can be a lot of frustration when you aren't feeling the pleasure, so in those moments, give yourself a break and just focus on your breath. Play with your breath in those moments. Are you looking to build pressure and have a quick paced energy? Then do it first with that breath we just practiced. Is this a slower, gentler build of pressure? Lengthen your breath, really feeling it fill your lungs and belly. Are you really looking to turn up the passion, the erotic pleasure? Create some noise with your breath. Create some heat with your breath. That will really do it.
So that is what I have for you today. Sex is breath. Enjoy!
Corrin Voeller is a relationship therapist in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. She does in-person and online counseling and coaching with couples and individuals to improve the relationships in their lives. She lives with her husband, children, and extremely fat dog.
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