We all like quick fixes. We’re short on time, energy and attention so we need to know how to make massive changes as fast as possible. Using this mind trick will not only allow you to transform your relationship into the one you want but it will also work in other areas of your life.
What’s the mind trick? It’s acting As If the result you want is already happening. If you shift your mind to the goal and pretend like you have already achieved the goal, you will get the very things that you wanted because your behaviors, thoughts and attitude will change. What you focus on, you will create more of. So if you are focusing on the negative things in your relationship, the stuff that you want to change, you’re going to continue to get the very stuff you don’t want.
Do this instead.
Decide what you do want. In your dreamiest of dreams, what would your relationship be like? Is it one where you guys are best friends and tell each other everything? One that is full of laughter, playfulness and fun? Maybe it would be one where you guys are deeply connected and have great sex. Now, start acting As If that were true. You can do this by asking yourself simple questions and then following through on them. Questions like: if we were the kind of couple that are best friends and tell each other everything, how would I be acting? What would I think about my partner? How would I treat them? What would I say, do, think and be like?
Now here’s the truly magical part: start acting like that! Your partner might be weirded out at first in your abrupt behavior changes but this is what will happen, they are going to love this new you (they’ve probably been hoping you would act like this toward them forever) and then they will start to follow your lead and act as if too!
Pretty soon, you won’t be acting As If because you will already have the very thing you want. It won’t be as if, it will just be true!
If you decide what you want first and then do what you need to do to get that goal, it will be your’s. Congratulations, you can accomplish anything you’d like. Have the greatest relationship, be successful, have tons of friends, whatever your heart desires!
If you want more information on the As If Principle, consider reading Richard Weisman’s book titled just that: The As If Principle and see all the different areas you can apply this to in your life. I highly recommend it.
Corrin Voeller is a marriage therapist in St. Louis Park, MN. She specializes in working with couples considering divorce. She lives with her husband, two children, and extremely fat dog.
