You will have at least 4 significant relationships in your lifetime.
Sometimes, they are all with the same person.
Does this sound familiar?
Have you been asking yourself if you still want to be in this relationship? Or maybe your partner has told you they are thinking about breaking up or divorce. You think to yourself "How did we get here?" or maybe even "How do I change this?"
In the beginning, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. You blew off friends, events, and maybe even work, just to spend time with them. You became more daring, you did things you normally would hate because it was something they loved. You used to put each other first, above everything else. You could stay up all night with them and still somehow deliver the next day at work. There was amazing chemistry. You've shared things with this person you normally would never tell another person. You were both your best selves. Where did that person I fell in love with go? How did I lose myself along the way?
Now we're talking about breaking up. About possibly divorcing. Things have gotten complicated. We fight all the time. All of a sudden, it's like we don't see eye-to-eye on the important things like finances, intimacy, leisure-time, work, career, family, friends, living arrangements, personal habits, division of household and childcare duties, and parenting styles.
We have tried to talk this stuff out and have gotten no where. It usually ends in bitter disagreement and we carry around resentment for days. We tip-toe around these topics now, trying not to bring this stuff anymore. The tension is sometimes unbearable. Maybe we have even tried couples counseling before and it barely helped.
So then you start to wonder "are we not compatible?" Maybe I shouldn't be with this person. It would be easier on my own. I could be happier. Since we no longer agree on the important stuff, this must mean we shouldn't be together. If they loved me, they would understand. I don't want to live like this anymore but I don't know what to do.
This is where Discernment Counseling helps you move forward.
When a couple is stuck like this, Discernment Counseling helps give you a way to move forward. It is extremely effective.
What is Discernment Counseling?
You might think "we have done couples therapy before, how can this be any different?" Discernment Counseling is not couples counseling. Couples counseling assumes a couple wants to stay together and both partners are willing to make changes to improve their relationship. You aren't there yet. Maybe you will be. Maybe you are the one in the relationship who is pretty sure (or definitely sure) you want to stay together but realize you need your partner to want to stay together too.
Couples therapy when both people aren't 100% sure they want to be together, and willing to implement the changes they are learning in therapy, is like putting the cart before the horse.
Discernment Counseling helps both people take a look at their relationship. We determine where your relationship used to be, where it is now, and how you have gotten this stuck. It outlines the possibilities for the future of your relationship. It shows you exactly what needs to change in order for you to have the relationship you desire. It gives you a road map for how you will get there.
And one of the best parts? It asks both partners to take accountability for how they have gotten to this point. It assumes that one person is not 100% to blame. We all have areas we can improve to make our relationship better.
How does Discernment Counseling work?
It is a short-term process. We will meet 1-5 sessions and you determine how many. The first session is 2 hours long and it's highly structured in a way to get the answers we're looking for. We'll meet for 30 minutes all together, 30 minutes with one person, then switch and 30 minutes with the other, and then 30 minutes together at the end then you determine if you want to meet again.
Many of my couples have said they have gotten more from that one session than anything else they have tried in the past.
Our goal is to give you clarity and insight on your relationship. We will lay out your options directly and give you the different paths forward so you can make a decision. Our goal is to get you un-stuck from what you are currently stuck in. In one study, 92% of couples said they felt more calm, clear and in-control after Discernment Counseling, no matter which path they chose to move forward.
I truly believe in the power of Discernment Counseling. I have seen couples that have tried therapy in the past have great success with this process.
If you are this couple, the one that is unsure if you want to stay or to go, and you want to figure it all out, Discernment Counseling can help. Want to chat about it? I'm happy to talk. Click here to send me an email.
Let's get you guys moving forward today. I don't want to see you continuing to live your life with stress and tension any longer. We can determine the possibilities and give you hope for the future. Start the process of feeling better today. You deserve it.