About Me

“We feel like roommates.”

You get home from work, and it is pure chaos. One kid is crying, and the other is bouncing off the walls.

Your wife asks you what you want for dinner. “I don’t care,” you say, thinking you’re helpful and flexible. She gives a huffy sigh. You think, ‘What the hell’s her problem? I just got home.’

You head upstairs to change, and she comes in behind you. “Jackson needs new shoes, and Clara has her recital tomorrow night.”

“Okay,” you say. “Okay? That’s it?” You can tell she’s mad, but you don’t understand why. You don’t want to fight, but don’t think you deserve all this attitude. So, you respond with, “What? Are you mad?”

She says, “Fine! I’ll handle it myself! It’s not like I don’t work full-time, too, or anything!” Ah, so that’s it. She thinks you do nothing around here.

Then, the cycle repeats itself.

“Here we go again. I do nothing, and you do everything, right?” You’re pissed. It’s the same old argument every time. And it goes nowhere! Why can’t she just appreciate what you do? And why does it feel like you guys can’t agree on the smallest of things?

It feels like you’re just roommates, talking about the same mundane shit day after day. It’s all logistics now and minimal feeling. You don’t even remember the last time you kissed.

The rest of the night is a blur. You barely speak to each other unless necessary. “I’m taking the dog for a walk.” It’s a sweet reprieve when you’re out of the house. It’s so tense in there all the time. All business and no fun! You both spend the whole night on your phones, not speaking, not interacting, not even acknowledging the other person’s presence in the room. It sucks.

Finally, she says, “I think we should do couples counseling.” You’re silent. Part of you agrees. You’re desperate for things to change. The other part thinks it’s unnecessary, and you guys should figure it out on your own. But you’ve talked about it over and over, and nothing has changed. You finally concede. “Yeah, I think we should, too.”

Here’s what you don’t want:

You don’t want this to be weird.

You don’t want to have some breathy voiced goofball asking you how you feel every two seconds. You don’t want there to be a ton of crying. You don’t want someone to gang up on you and tell you it’s all your fault.

You don’t want things to get worse. And you don’t want to spend a ton a time and money and have nothing change.

Here’s what you want:

You want practical advice.

You want to feel you accomplished something in each session. You want to talk to someone with whom you can picture yourself being friends.

You want your relationship to improve a lot, and you want that to happen quickly. You want to feel like yourself but better. You want this to be worth it.

You want to talk to someone who knows what they’re doing, not to waste your time.

You’ve come to the right place. I am an experienced marriage therapist. I only do couples counseling, which is rare in the therapy world. Most therapists do a lot of individual counseling, and some couples counseling.

I focused my whole practice on couples counseling because I love it.