Let me be the first to say that you do not need to get to know your spouse better during this time. There are a lot of shaming articles saying what you should be doing during stay-at-home orders. Don’t fall for the “should” traps.
If you want to get to know your spouse better during this time and if you have the capacity to do so, here are some questions you can ask each other. Try to give in-depth answers when you guys are doing this. That’s part of the fun.
1. What was your favorite toy as a child and what was it about that toy that you loved? What happened to the toy?
2. Who was your best friend as a kid? What did you guys do together? What happened to your relationship?
3. What is a game you used to play as a kid or what did you spend most of your time doing? Why did you like that game or activity?
4. What’s your favorite type of weather and why? What do you like to do most in that weather?
5. What do you want your life to be like in three years from now?
6. How do you see your work changing in the future? What do you need to prepare for these changes?
7. How do you feel about our physical home? Any architectural changes you’d like to make? What’s your favorite spot in the house?
8. How would you compare yourself as a mother/father to your own mother/father? (furmother/furfather counts!)
9. What kind of person do you think our children will become? Any fears? Any hopes? Is our child like anyone in your family? Who?
10. How do you feel about your family right now? Have these feelings changed lately?
11. How do you feel about work right now? What would you change about your work? Who is your favorite person you work with? Why?
12. How are you feeling about being a mother/father? What would you change?
13. What do you find exciting in life right now?
14. What are your biggest worries about the future?
15. How do you think we could be more fun in our life?
16. Who are your best allies and close friends right now? How have they or you changed?
17. How have your friendships changed lately? Have you grown close to some friends? Distant from others?
18. Who in your life is most stressful for you? Why?
19. What do you need right now in a friend?
20. What are things missing in your life?
21. How have you changed in the last year?
22. Have your goals in life changed recently?
23. What are some of your life dreams now?
24. What goals do you have for our family? When do you hope to achieve these by? What do you need to do to get there? How can I help?
25. What goals do you have just for your self now? What are your plans to achieve them?
26. What was the happiest time in our relationship since we met?
27. What is one way you would like to change?
28. What legacy do you want our family to take from your family? From your culture?
29. Which of your parents are you close to? Why do you think that is?
30. What are some unfulfilled things in your life?
31. What’s an ideal weekend for you?
32. What would you change about our finances right now?
33. What makes you feel accomplished?
34. When you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone cheer you up?
35. Where would you like to travel? What would you do there?
36. What adventures would you like to have before you die?
37. How has your outlook on life changed in the past two years?
38. If you could live one other person’s life, who’s life would you choose and why?
39. What’s your dream care if finances were of no concern? Why? What do you like about it?
40. If you could live during any other time period in history, when would you choose to live and why?
41. What do you imagine your life would be like if you lived 100 years from now?
42. If you could design the perfect house for us, what would it look like?
43. If you could live anywhere, where would you like to live?
44. If you could choose any other career or vocation other than what you do now, what would you choose and why?
45. What is a great memory from your childhood?
46. What accomplishment of yours are you most proud of?
47. If you could wake up tomorrow with three new skills in which you excelled, what would they be and why?
48. If you could re-do any decade of your life, which decade would you choose and why?
49. What kind of year has this been for you?
50. What are you most grateful for?
51. Tell me the story of your proudest moment?
52. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?
53. How have you changed as a daughter or son?
54. How have you changed as a brother or sister?
55. What relatives have you felt closest to and why?
56. If you could build a dream romantic meal for us to share together, what would be on the menu from start to finish?
57. Who has been the most difficult person in your life and why?
58. If you could change into any animal for 24 hours, what would it be and why?
59. Who was your childhood hero and why?
60. If you could experience being any other person for 24 hours, who would you pick and why?
61. If you could be a genius in any art, music, drama or dance, which talent would you choose and why?
62. If you could be a superstar in any sport, which sport would you choose and why?
63. If you could be the richest person in the world, what would you do with your money?
64. Who was your favorite teacher and why?
65. If you could look like anyone else in the world, who would you pick and why?
66. If you could change one characteristic about yourself, what would it be and why?
67. What was your best birthday?
68. What would you like to be remembered for when you are gone?
69. How do you think others see you right now? Would you like that to change? How?
70. What is a time in your life that you felt most alive? What was happening?
Corrin Voeller is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She specializes in working with couples on transforming their relationships.
